Monday, May 11, 2009

i'm very blessed

I can't even count the reasons why I'm very blessed. I can mention a few.
  • I was in a car crash recently and I lived, we all lived. No one was hurt and we didn't hurt anyone.
  • My family loves me even when they are a pain sometimes.
  • I have constant communication with most of my friends and of course I know those I barely talk to are with me in spirit. (I hope all of you are doing well.)
  • I have work and is doing well. (I just hope my QA scores will get better).
  • Lots of taho vendors pass by my street and in the corner there's a barbeque stand, carinderias are everywhere, and there's an array food peddled here as well.
  • I still have a roof over my head.
  • I believe I have a good life ahead.

But I go through what every one goes through, hurdles and bumps along the way. I learned my little nephew was in the hospital recently but they told me he's fine now. It really is hard when someone in the family get sick. I had to be called rude and was called names by frustrated Americans who couldn't pay their debts. This is part of the job but it gets to you sometimes, but all you can do is laugh it off and don't mind it. I am unable to visit a friend who I planned and promised to visit several times.

And there are those rare times someone will say, "...Ayaw ko na. Every turn I see proof that you are unstable, needy, and creepy. Someone will take care of you, and I am not it. Lose my number, I mean it..." Mckee, believe me when I say I don't need you. I'm not asking you to take care of me. I can take care of myself. I'm a grown woman. Should I ever need any comfort or anything my family and some of my good friends are there.

I want to literally burn all my memories of you but then I read on my diary something you told me, "I wouldn't want to let you inside my wall because I fear that you might not like what you see. I don't want to lose you," I just can't bring myself to do it.

You know what? I also don't want you in my life. I can't help it when every turn I'm reminded of you. It wasn't my doing when suddenly I was in the same company and account as your sister, nor was it my doing when suddenly a friend of yours from work was my dormmate. Believe me when I say, I want to forget you and think you don't exist.

But even if I'm hurting right now, I'd still like to let you know, I believe I'm very blessed.